Hello again, it's been a while. About six weeks I can say. This is because I have been overseas, without my laptop, and I absolutely hate technology even though I use it on a daily basis, so I didn't want to bother trying to work out how to update this blog through my iPod touch. Yup, so, anyway, I was in China (Shanghai), Germany (Berlin, Wittenberg), Czech Republic (Prague), Italy (Pesaro, Rome), England (London, Durham, Cheshire), and Scotland (Edinburgh). It was a wonderful experience overall, as I had not been overseas before then. I had only been as far as Tasmania, a state of my country which is simply across a small stretch of ocean. But now I can say I have seen the world, or lots of it, I have seen Asia, Europe, and the UK. And I got to see the Harry Potter experience at the Warner Bro's Studio in England, and I say the Doctor Who museum and shop, and the last standing Police Box in Earl's Court, and the Sherlock Holmes museum at 221B Baker Street. And came home to a birthday present more beautiful and unexpected than any other: My door painted as a TARDIS. This experience has also brought on changes, things I cannot express here, but things for the better, I believe. I'm changing something slight about myself, my friends will see soon enough. I hate to leave you in mystery, but I will explain after it has happened. It is probably not as interesting and exciting as you might expect from my secrecy, but it is for me, which is why I choose for it to remain secret.
I am also confused. What I am about to say, I do not want sympathy, or for my friends to feel as though I am making it a drama or making myself stress over it for nothing. I began this blog for that reason, it is for my thoughts, and so my thoughts I will write. Some people have apparently, over the last weeks when we were overseas (for I was on a school trip), spoke to my brother about me being mean. I do not know who they are, and neither do I wish to know. But it has gotten me thinking. Am I really as nice a person as I might think. I know what some of you are thinking: How could she think that, I know her, she's lovely. That's what some of you would think. And I thank you so much for that. But I have done so many mean things. I am envious of my brother, and I often accuse him of bragging, because I don't like that he has been better than me at something. That's what siblings are like, and I love him, and I never say I hate him. I have always reassured myself that I am a kind and generous person. I am happy and I am rule-abiding. I have friends, and I have no faults. This is a false reassurance. I have so many faults, as does everyone. I often wonder why I am not brought down by all the stress that is being set on me from school work, and the sadness that is brought on by unexpected things. These things make people depressed, and suicidal. I can see why, but I think I keep myself away from that, because I am scared. I have always been afraid of death, and cannot stand the nothingness that it undoubtedly holds. Want to know a secret? I have no faith. I lost it a while ago. Cause my scientific logic won. I continue going to youth group and talking to my youth leaders, because there is the hope (as doubtful as it is in my mind) that there is not nothing after death, but heaven. I guess no one will ever know until they pass over, and then they will have no choice but to stay in silence, no matter what the outcome. Well, this has been a cheery post, hasn't it? Not. Well, I'm jet-lagged. I got back yesterday, after flying for the best of two days, a one hour stop in Zurich, and a six hour one in Hong Kong (Biggest airport ever, it was scarily big). I am completely EXHAUSTED. The cat woke me at three thirty this morning, so I got up. My mum (also jet-lagged) was in the back room ironing clothes and watching Doctor Who. I lay in my room and read fanfiction (clean stuff I assure you, none of those slashes and inappropriate stuff you would normally associate with fanfiction). My brother (also jet-lagged) woke up at five and sat making lego he got from LegoLand in Berlin. He got the most sleep on the planes. I just couldn't get any. It was so uncomfortable in the seats, and my body-clock was messed up. I have been awake for nineteen hours today, and it is not boding well, so I'm going to go to bed now. I stayed up to my normal time of nine thirty with dad (who didn't go overseas, so is not jet-lagged, so is at the moment, the only slightly sane person in this house) finishing season one of Merlin. Anyway, thanks for reading, even if it was slightly darker than my other stuff.
JM
I am also confused. What I am about to say, I do not want sympathy, or for my friends to feel as though I am making it a drama or making myself stress over it for nothing. I began this blog for that reason, it is for my thoughts, and so my thoughts I will write. Some people have apparently, over the last weeks when we were overseas (for I was on a school trip), spoke to my brother about me being mean. I do not know who they are, and neither do I wish to know. But it has gotten me thinking. Am I really as nice a person as I might think. I know what some of you are thinking: How could she think that, I know her, she's lovely. That's what some of you would think. And I thank you so much for that. But I have done so many mean things. I am envious of my brother, and I often accuse him of bragging, because I don't like that he has been better than me at something. That's what siblings are like, and I love him, and I never say I hate him. I have always reassured myself that I am a kind and generous person. I am happy and I am rule-abiding. I have friends, and I have no faults. This is a false reassurance. I have so many faults, as does everyone. I often wonder why I am not brought down by all the stress that is being set on me from school work, and the sadness that is brought on by unexpected things. These things make people depressed, and suicidal. I can see why, but I think I keep myself away from that, because I am scared. I have always been afraid of death, and cannot stand the nothingness that it undoubtedly holds. Want to know a secret? I have no faith. I lost it a while ago. Cause my scientific logic won. I continue going to youth group and talking to my youth leaders, because there is the hope (as doubtful as it is in my mind) that there is not nothing after death, but heaven. I guess no one will ever know until they pass over, and then they will have no choice but to stay in silence, no matter what the outcome. Well, this has been a cheery post, hasn't it? Not. Well, I'm jet-lagged. I got back yesterday, after flying for the best of two days, a one hour stop in Zurich, and a six hour one in Hong Kong (Biggest airport ever, it was scarily big). I am completely EXHAUSTED. The cat woke me at three thirty this morning, so I got up. My mum (also jet-lagged) was in the back room ironing clothes and watching Doctor Who. I lay in my room and read fanfiction (clean stuff I assure you, none of those slashes and inappropriate stuff you would normally associate with fanfiction). My brother (also jet-lagged) woke up at five and sat making lego he got from LegoLand in Berlin. He got the most sleep on the planes. I just couldn't get any. It was so uncomfortable in the seats, and my body-clock was messed up. I have been awake for nineteen hours today, and it is not boding well, so I'm going to go to bed now. I stayed up to my normal time of nine thirty with dad (who didn't go overseas, so is not jet-lagged, so is at the moment, the only slightly sane person in this house) finishing season one of Merlin. Anyway, thanks for reading, even if it was slightly darker than my other stuff.
JM
